The month of October is a special time for me:
my debut novel, my baby,
will be released IN PRINT on Halloween!
I think we all know the story of Cinderella. The name “has, by analogy, come to mean one whose attributes were unrecognized, or one who unexpectedly achieves recognition or success after a period of obscurity and neglect.” [Wikipedia] My favorite retelling is the movie, Everafter, with Drew Barrymore. In this particular version, her name is Danielle, and she is the apple of her father’s eye. He is widowed, remarries, and dies soon after. Nasty wicked stepmother, of course, banishes Danielle to live as one of the servants. Yeah, yeah, we know all that!
Talk about mixed up identity roles! If ever a story told of hidden identity, I think this is it! With Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) specifically, perhaps with all mental illness, there is a question of identity. Certainly, with our spiritual aspect considered. For if we truly know who we are in Christ, we rise and conquer, we have no such struggles. Right? Don’t I wish it were so! Would that it were that easy.
But it’s not.
We are all created for a purpose. Papa God wrote our design specs at the foundation of the world, and He knew our journey from the beginning of time. He programmed each of us to fulfill that purpose, with talents and abilities, and desires specific to that purpose. Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of you heart.” I believe that the desire of our heart is what it is because He put it there. Because it’s what He wants for us.
God never intended us to walk around, head drooping, woe-begotten, “poor, pitiful me.” Rather, “The joy of the Lord is my strength and my song!” Nehemiah 8:10. I think sometimes, we think we have to be happy in order to be strong. But that’s backwards. It’s not our happiness at all. It’s His. His joy that IS our strength. It’s not about us at all, but about Him. It’s always about Him.
Funny thing about that, though. When we make it about Him, He makes it about us!
So if it’s so simple and straightforward, what’s the problem?
The problem is this little thing called free will. I know I don’t want somebody “loving” me cause I say they have to. I mean, that’s not love anyway, right? If they don’t choose to love me, then it’s empty and meaningless.
Same with God. He gave us free will because otherwise our relationship is empty and meaningless.
Enter plethora of complications. There is an enemy, you know, the one that struts around, thinking he’s “all that.” He’s not, he’s nothing. He makes noise, roars “like a lion” but he’s nothing. He has no power at all. At all. “Yup. You read that right. Hell truly has no power. Satan is a liar, that’s it. That’s his “super power.” Pretty lame. He lied right there in the Garden of Eden, “Did God really say that?”” [see post: Depression, 051114]
Interesting that quote came from my post on depression. Then again, that’s kinda the point. Lies. The enemy lies to us. Tells us we are not who God says we are. Tells us we aren’t worthy. Or, that we’re too good for God, don’t need Him. Or… countless other vain imaginations. He burdened me with the unworthy one, the not good enough.
I had to try extra hard, just so I’d have some meager scrap of attention. At least that’s how I felt. Kinda like a kid who throws a tantrum for the attention. I mean, negative attention is better than none, right? I’ve seen the memes that say neglect causes the same emotional damage as physical pain. Interesting.
I felt I had to hide who I was. I had to hide how invaluable I was. I had to – wear a mask. Of something else, anything else. I had to try to be something I’m not. No wonder I had such a hard time trying to achieve and accomplish anything. Anything. No wonder I felt so at home when I started theatre! I got to be someone else. And I got accolades for it. Not to mention, I’m good at it! wink wink
When I was a little girl, Cinderella aired on TV once a year. It was a family tradition to watch it. It starred Leslie Ann Warren, and in it she sang a song that drives this point.
Whatever I want to be. But only “in my own little corner, in my own little world.”
We all wear masks at times. We put on the proverbial happy face so our kids don’t know there’s a tragedy. Or we tone down our own exuberance when a loved one is facing a tragedy. Or the fight we just had with spouse or kids, we hide that when we get to work. Or church.
But what about the times we hide our pain from the very ones God has placed in our lives to help us with that pain? What about, the times we hide our pain from ourselves. What does that look like? It looks like multiple personalities. Or bipolar disorder. Or depression. It looks like alcoholism and drug abuse. Smoking even. It’s a mask. It’s all masks that we wear. And, I dare say, we all wear them at some time or another.
It’s only when we dare to peel the masks back, and begin to search our own soul that we can hope to find who we are. Our real and true identity. But only in light of God’s Word. How can we expect to know who He says we are, if we don’t, oh I dunno, ask Him? It’s a process, and it can be painful, grueling even, but I’m here to tell ya, it’s worth it. There’s nothing like it, nothing can compare to discovering who and what you were created to be and do. Discovering the anointing He has placed on your life, and within you.
And to be honest, it’s scary. And not just a little bit. I’m soaring into this life He’s had for me all along, and frankly, it’s terrifying. Exhilarating, but frightening at the same time. Why? Because it’s new, it’s unknown, it’s unfamiliar territory. Because I have to let go of all my “safety nets” and leave ye olde comfort zone behind. It stinks there anyway, I’m glad to leave it behind. But this new place, this soaring business – what if my parachute doesn’t open? What if I crash and burn? What if? What if? What if?
What if it works? What if it’s everything we dreamed it’d be? What if it’s more? What if Papa God is the parachute? What if He navigates our flight, and we soar places we never imagined? What if we actually learn to live as the person He designed us to be? What if?
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#cinderella, #everafter, #drewbarrymore, #leslieannwarren, #myownlittlechair, #Godspurpose, #parachute